Anxiety Helped Me Be a Better Leader

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Anxiety. It’s a Bitch When You’re the Leader

Fifty-three pairs of eyes stared us down. And they weren’t going to let us out of their sights until they were done with us.

The only thing we could do is to open our mouths and…

Sing.

Yepparoo.

My first time on stage with my a cappella group was unnerving.

I felt the pressure landing squarely on my shoulders.

Because it was MY group. I started it. Like an idiot.

As a Leader, Anxiety Was Embarrassing

What was I thinking?

I had never sung before, unless you count singing in the car, in the shower, or to my cats.

I didn’t know anything about being a performer except what I saw on Donnie & Marie, M-TV, American Idol, and James Cordon’s Driving Karaoke.

And I had never led a musical group in my life.

So why did I think I could do this? What was I thinking?

I pulled together some singers. We learned some songs. And we bribed a coffee shop to use their space.

My group stood “backstage” in the parking lot, staring at me. I stammered out words of encouragement before the slaughter. I mean the concert.

Feeling anxious can affect your mind and body

My mouth was dry, my armpits were soaked, my mind was racing like a greyhound on chocolate donuts. I had no idea what to say. I was filled to the brim with anxiety and thought I was going to throw up (ewwwe).

My negative emotions were getting the better of me.

I sucked floundered as a leader that night, because I didn’t have a clue how to lead myself, much less others.

No one said anything, but I felt I had let them down. I felt weak.

Anxious Leaders Are Not Great Leaders

We got through it, of course, because all those eyes belonged to family and friends who were there to cheer us on.

But I didn’t want to just “get through it.” I wanted to shine.

Link to Blog Post "How to Overcome Shyness and Build Your Self-Confidence"

I started out a shy person so being onstage AND being a good leader were both hard for me.

You can read more about my bashful beginnings in my post about getting past shyness. (1)

I was anxious, but it could have been worse.

I had set up the expectations of the group by saying our goals were to “learn sh*t, have fun, and not worry about being perfect. ”

So thankfully, I didn’t feel the pressure of “perfection.” (Patting myself on the back.)

But the lack of leadership due to overwhelming anxiety was embarrassing.

I was a performance noob and a leadership noob at the same time!

Even cats have a hard time calming down when pumped with adrenaline

Anxiety: Why Calming Down Doesn’t Work

I asked myself how I could better lead others without the swirl of panic before a performance.

Each time, I tried to relax. I’d breathed deeply and repeat calming mantras like “peanut butter sandwiches tastes better with butter.”

It never worked.

Dread wrangled me down and slapped me around until I screamed uncle, and by then, it was over.

I knew at some point it HAD to start feeling more comfortable, but when would that be?

Then I discovered that the feelings of anxiety and excitement are nearly alike. They both dump a shot of adrenaline into your system and zoom things up.

Adrenaline is a hormone that comes from the adrenal glands and a few places along your nervous system. (2)

Adrenaline gets your blood pumping.

It saves your life when some big creature is about to pounce on you. It helps your body react quickly, either to sock someone in the face or get the f*ck out of there (fight or flight response).

Fight or flight response happens automatically with perceived danger

When it’s in your system, it sticks around for an hour or so. You can NOT get rid of it quickly.

That’s why trying to calm down doesn’t work. It takes a while, and when the situation is challenging, you don’t have time to get there. (3)

But you don’t have to.

Transforming Anxiety; How We Get It Wrong

Adrenaline is exact same hormone for excitement.

Huh. Well, why does it feel different to US?

That’s because we tell ourselves stories, and that matters.

A LOT.

I was telling myself “I’m scared” stories:

“I don’t want to suck”

“I have no idea what to say”

“I don’t know what I’m doing”

I was in my own head and worried. But then my story changed.

Better Stories, Better Leader

Over time, I learned to shift to better stories. Stories that helped me choose excitement over fear:

“This is something I’ve always wanted to do!”

“This is the payoff for all our hard work!”

“This is the fun part!”

Enhance Performance by Shifting Anxiety

A gal named Alison Wood Brooks at Harvard did a study.

She learned that we harness nervous energy by shifting the meaning. We can then experience a sense of freedom and relief. Performance greatly improves! Yay! (4)

Isn’t that amazing?

When your mind decides to see things differently, your body goes along for the ride.

I started practicing this idea.

Leadership is boosted with excitement energy

I turned my feelings of fear into feelings of excitement by changing my story.

I still experience the same frenetic energy, but my ability to help my group was noticeably different.

I stood up taller for one thing, no slouching. Read my post on your posture helping your confidence. (5)

I spoke up with energy.

I ran around high-fiving everyone.

I jumped up and down and said “Oh my gawd, we’re actually DOING this! How fun!”

Why Reframing Anxiety Made the Difference

As I thought about being exciting, my confidence rose with it. I felt more self-assured. I could warm-up and psyche-up my peeps. We were here to have fun, d*mmit!

Eventually my excitement story turned into real confidence!

Not only did I notice a difference, but my group and our audience did too.

Rethinking Anxiety Everyday and Every Way

I now practice us this trick on all parts of my life that make me nervous.

Sometimes SAYING “I’m excited,” changes the flavor of my everyday experiences:

“I’m excited to go to the dmv!”

“I’m excited to figure out how to pay that unexpected vet bill!”

“I’m excited to see how I’m going to squeeze in those three new to-do items today.”

Michelle, this is a bunch of bullsh*t.

Oh really? Are you sure? Why don’t you take it for a spin and try it out. It just might make you feel different.

It makes me feel different. It brings out my “warrior” self.

Which reminds me…have you seen how I picture myself as a warrior? Check out my article on choosing the word “brave” for a new years resolution and get a chuckle at the end. (6)

Being a superhero or warrior for myself or for my team is what I’m aiming for. Excitement kicks the sh*t out of anxiety any day.