Signs You Are Not a Life Jar Master

But wait, Michelle, I don’t even know what a Life Jar Master Is.

I know. I’ll get to that in a minute.

I don’t want to waste your time, so let’s first see if you have any signs of poor Life Jar mastery. 

If The Rolling Stone’s song “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction,” reminds you of how your life is going right now, that is one big clue. Here are some others. (1)

You have a:

• To-do list with a gazillion things on it and you have no clue which one’s to do today. 
• Carbon copy life, where every day feels pretty much like the day before. 
• Feeling of boredom, or exhaustion.

These point to poor Life Jar mastery (Sorry to hear life’s yucky right now). This is why it’s crucial to become the ruler of your own life. 

The Stones nailed it for sure. Let’s turn it around and get more satisfaction in life.

Now on with the story. It’s not a rock-n-roll story, but it IS a rock story. See what I did there? Courtesy chuckle please. 

I’m such a dork.

What the Heck Is a Life Jar Master?

As I said, this is best explained in a story. 

I heard this story as “The Golf Balls of Life.” Some people call it “The Rocks of Life.” Geez, I bet someone could turn this story into an x-rated movie, but never mind that. 

Let’s keep it clean and go with the title “The Jar of Life.” Here’s my version. 

The Jar of Life Story

A professor walks into a classroom with a big backpack and sets it on the floor next to his feet.

He zips it open and brings out a large glass jar and sets it on top of his desk.

The students wonder where this is going.

He pulls out a bag that has fist size rocks in it. One by one, he puts them into the jar, all the way to the top, and asks “is this jar full?”

The students nodding, say yes, of course.

Then he pulls out another bag. This one is filled with small pebbles. He pours them into the jar. With a little jiggling, they bounce their way down between the rocks.

He fills it again to the top and asks “is the jar full now?

Surprised, the students nod, yes. Now it surely is.

Then he pulls out a bag of sand and starts pouring it in.

The sand fills in the visible left over spaces.

Again he asks “Is the jar full now?”

Unsure, the students shrug.

Then he pulls out a bottle of water and pours it into the jar until the bottle is empty and the waterline is at the top of the jar, wetting the sand, rocks, and pebbles.

Then The Professor Looks Up and Explains

“The jar represents how much time you have in your life. It’s a time jar.

The big rocks represent time you spend on things that are most important in life. I’m talking about things like your: 

Health (exercise, self care, vacation, hobbies)

Spiritual life (community, service, church)

Relationships (spouse, kids, parents, friends, pets)

Work (projects, clients)

Empowerment (planning, preparation, learning)”

He goes on “The small pebbles are the time you spend on your house, car, bills, groceries, cleaning, et cetera. Life’s chores.”

He looks up at his students, “If you design a life that is filled with rocks and has a few spaces filled with pebbles, you are Life Jar Master.”

One student raises their hand and asks, “But professor, what does the sand and water mean?”

The teacher nodded, saying “I’m glad you asked.  The sand represents empty time wasters like social media, texting, television, video gaming, and more.  An hour or so could be considered mental recreation. But overindulging in them for hours at a time is not paying attention to what feeds the body and mind in the long term.”

“The water represents emotional habits that don’t give you a good return for your time. This includes:

perfectionism,

trying to being right (like arguing over a $2 difference on your phone bill or why you’re political views are right) and

addictive habits like smoking or researching every question that pops into your head.”

Now the professor makes his best point. “If I started with water, sand or pebbles, there would not have been any space left for the rocks.” 

“When you think of the jar as the amount of time in your life, and the rocks as your most important activities, you’ll never have time for them if you don’t put them in first.”

“Scheduling important life-nurturing activities everyday is what Life Jar Masters do.”

You’d think the students would have stood up and started a slow clap building to an outpour of applause and whistling, but no. The students thought “huh, neat.” And went on to think about how to get a girlfriend, which chips they want with lunch, and how to get mom and dad to spring for a less-embarrassing car.

Years later, of course, they wished they had paid attention.

Three Ways People Screw Up Their Life Jar. Is This You?

There are three major ways that people get this wrong. I’m sorry, I don’t like to be negative, but you should know what to look out for

1. You make one rock so large that there is no room for other rocks.

Is your career getting in the way of spending time with your family? How about not having time for exercise? When you make one or two rocks too big, it cheats you from experiencing the full shbang, leaving you vulnerable or feeling unfulfilled.

2. You confuse rocks with pebbles, sand, and water.

We need to be very careful not to get confused. As the professor mentioned earlier, taking a mental health break by playing a video game can turn into sand pretty quickly. All it takes is over-indulgence.

Same thing with thinking that doing something for someone is the same thing as spending time with them. It’s still a pebble. A chore. It makes them happy, but it doesn’t deepen the relationship.

Here you can read about a big life jar mistake I made for years. It’s when I spent hours on pebbles I mistook for a rock, and not only that,  I made my imagined rock too big. (Hint, it had to do with paperwork). This sudden eye-opener gave me a big kick toward re-evaluating my rocks and time. (2)

3. You unconsciously put lots of sand and water in your jar.

People let their day take them where they want and they let their emotions run their lives.

We’re all guilty of this in one way or another.

I’m guilty of adding too much water into my life jar.

I’m like a lot of people who love to get on the phone to give companies “a piece of my mind.” Too bad I gave so much of my mind away I have nothing left for myself.

Did it accomplish much? Not really. Not for the time I put into it.

I’m also sad about the years I’ve given away to perfectionistic behavior. Sniffle sniff sniff. Sigh.

Emotions are a hard one to siphon off (pun intended), but worth the effort. Less emotional time wasters can lead to a lot more time for enjoyable life pursuits.

Stephen Covey, who made a version of the life jar story popular, demonstrates why it’s so important to put the rocks in first. Here he is in a short entertaining video. Check out the 70’s clothes!

7 Steps to Being a Life Jar Master

1. Identify your rocks (heh). 

Rock-n-roll baby! Let’s figure out what’s important.

“We need to ensure within our hours we are allocating time to the things that matter most.”

Lisa Canning, a life coach and mom of eight, said this on an interview with podcaster Alberto Sardinas. (3) (4)

She’s right. Putting aside time  in your days and weeks for important things is what life jar masters do.

And can we take a minute to let it sink in she has eight kids?! Holy moly, I thought I was bad with eight cats!

For her, I bet it was ‘I need to figure this out or go I’ll go insane.’ Sheesh.

Lisa’s comment indicates that it’s important to identify first what your rocks are.

Not sure what a rock looks like? I’ve already listed some, but here is a possible list:

Education/Learning

Meaningful Work

Interesting Hobbies

Physical Health (exercise, eating right, having fun, sleeping)

Nurturing Relationships (spending time with others)

Travel/Vacation/Mental Health (alone time, having fun, mental challenges)

Finances/Security (investing, disaster preparedness)

Spiritual Health (Community, Giving, Church, Meditation)

2. Choose your top 3-5 larger rocks.

Not every rock is created equal. You shouldn’t ignore any rocks, but you will naturally feel inclined to spend more time on some rocks than others. This is fine.

Do it intentionally.

You don’t have to spend your time equally on every rock.

For me, my health rock is my highest priority. If I’m not alive and well, there is no life jar.

My health rock used to be small. It’s grown as I’ve learned to prioritize it and schedule it. It’s been worth every minute! The return on my time and energy is amazing.

3. Schedule your rocks.

There is no way you’ll be able to put all rocks in your life jar on any single day.

If you try to do that, you’ll get stressed. That’s not fun.

You don’t want to fill your entire day with pebbles, sand, and water. That’s a recipe for a meaningless, exhausting day. (Although some would say that pebbles + sand + water = beach. That’s a recipe worth doing. Take your choice.)

What I’m trying to say is it’s best to make a plan on a calendar.

Make sure you put in several rocks a day. Mix it up so you enjoy your wide range of rocks.

But Michelle, I don’t like living on a schedule. I’m an artist… I go by what feels good at the moment.

Look, you don’t have to be a slave to your schedule. You can keep it flexible, but don’t come crying tome when you realize four years from now you forgot a couple of rocks that could have made a big difference. 

A little planning can go a long way.

As a true Life Jar Master, you need to stay mindful of what you’re fitting in. It takes practice to stick with it.

4. Learn to recognize a pebble from a rock.

It’s a trap to think that driving your kids to their soccer game is doing your “relationships” rock. You reason that you are helping them, so you think you are nurturing your relationship.

But let’s take a closer look.

If you are driving and listening to NPR while they stare at their video games, you are not spending time on the relationship. You are spending time on driving, which is a chore. A chore is a pebble. (5)

5. Practice turning pebble time into rock time.

Let’s take the same scenario of driving kids to their soccer game.

You can turn a pebble into a rock by shutting off the electronics and visiting instead.  You are still doing a driving chore, but you’ve added in relationship building) This is super fun. Try asking your kids questions, having a family sing-a-long, or playing the license plate game. (6)

Another way of turning pebble time into rock time is to do isometric exercises while standing in line at the grocery store. You’re doing a chore, but getting healthier while you do it. (7)

Or you can listen to an instructive audio book while washing your car, adding the benefit of education.

6. Learn to recognize when your rock is being replaced by sand.

Sometimes your rock turns into sand because you’re spending way too much time on it, like when watching an episode of The Great British Baking Show turns into a six hours binge-watch. (8)

What started as a mental health break becomes hours of distraction.

Here is another example. 

You think that spending time on social media is the same as working on a relationship.

Wrong.

Relationships stay very shallow on social media.

Don’t believe me? Notice and compare.

Imagine spending an hour over coffee or a beer with a friend, then giving them a hug as you say goodbye.

-Versus-

Spending an hour posting and commenting on facebook.

Truthfully, which one makes your life feel deeper and richer? And which one feels a little draining and shallow? I’ll let you decide.

7. Drop the water.

Of course I mean the symbolic “water” in our story, not real water, silly goose. We all need to drink lots of H2O! (9)

Water time is hard to recognize because it’s attached to subconscious emotional needs.

Fear comes into play. Anger comes into play. Trying to feel better comes into play.

Habits like smoking, gambling, and gaming steal our time.

Perfectionism too, is a giant time-waster. Will agonizing over finding the perfect blue sweater make your life feel more meaningful?  Do you need to spend three hours writing that paper when 40 minutes will suffice?

And let’s not forget about anger or indignation.

You KNOW your brother will never agree with your politics. So why spend countless hours trying to convince him you’re right?

There are other things more fulfilling than finding the “perfect” article to prove him wrong.

Besides, bro will either ignore it, skim it, or send you a long list of reasons why YOU are wrong…keeping the time waster going for both of you.

None of it is worth your very precious time. And if you love your brother, you’ll not waste his time either.

It takes practice to notice these water moments, scold yourself  (nicely please), and switch gears. Be patient and keep trying. That’s what I do. Do-be-doo-bee-do.

Bonus: Get Double or Triple Time Out of Your Rocks

Sometimes you can combine rock activities during one chunk of time.

• Exercise with your best friend (health rock + relationship rock)
• Do community service alongside your kids (spiritual rock + relationship rock)
• Take a cooking class with your spouse while on vacation (learning rock + health rock + relationship rock)

Get creative, I’m sure you can think of more.

Signs You’re Slipping From Life Jar Master Status

If life is getting boring, or losing meaning, or feeling overwhelming, it’s a BIG clue.

Take a look at which rocks you are spending your time on.

Are you missing a rock or multiple rocks? Are some of your rocks too small?

Try shifting to spend more time on one rock and less time on another.

Is your jar filling up with too many pebbles? Too many chores and errands is a sign of overcommitting or owning too much. Let some of them go.

Let life be messy.

Have you let sand and water take over a little too often? Time to reign them in.

Enjoy Your Rocks Everyday

If you’d like to dig a little deeper into the idea of figuring out your priorities,  squeeze in a read of Stephen Covey’s classic book First Things First. (10)

Also read my other posts on life values and overwhelm, and spending too much time on the wrong things. (11) (12) (13) (14)

Keep those rocks in mind and the next time someone says “You’ve got rocks in your head!” you can smile and say “Yes. Yes I do!”

Live Juicy, Joybird! 

Posts

2 Exhausted by Paperwork? You’re Doing it Wrong

11 Happiness via Movement: Get Up & Stay UP (Easy to Turboboost)

12 Overwhelmed Again? Stop Doing This

13 Why Your Learning Addiction Is Keeping You From Success

14 Are You Busy or Meaningful Productive?

Infographic

I confess, I made it. If you’d like to borrow it, go ahead, but please link back to this website.

Links

1 The Rolling Stones Song “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction”

3 Lisa Canning’s Book The Possibility Mom

4 Alberto Sardinas Podcast

5 NPR National Public Radio

6 Family Car Games

7 Isometrics

8 The Great British Baking Show

9 Benefits of H20 10 Stephen Covey’s Book First Things First

Photos

Star Jar: Suzy Hazelwood

Professor: RODNAE Productions

Bottle of Water: Steve Johnson

Sand and Water: Damon Hall

Beach Rocks: Aaron Kittredge

Stack of Rocks: Pixabay

Artist Calendar: Olya Kobruseva

License Plate: Garvin St. Villier

Rock Love: Pixabay

Indignation: Alex Green

Slipping: Skitterphoto

Rock Garden: Ma Minh